Interview With the Accounting Firm

Tomorrow I have an interview with a local accounting firm. The odd thing is, I find myself in a bit of a quandary. You'd think I'd be excited to have a good job prospect this soon, especially since it took me 3 months to find a job the last time I was unemployed. While I know I need the job because unemployment doesn't cover all of my expenses (not even close...stupid student loans) and it sounds like a nice place to work, I really don't want to go to this interview. The thing is, and this may sound weird, I'm afraid they'll offer me a job. Now, I know exactly why I feel this way: I like being a stay-at-home mom. I love it. Yes, it can be stressful if Erik is in a bad mood and, yes, it can be boring at times, but the reward of the job is so great that it makes it all worth while. I don't want to leave Erik in the hands of a daycare provider. Hell, I have a hard enough time leaving him in the hands of my own mother for a few hours let alone some stranger. I think the longest I've ever been away from him is 5 or 6 hours and that was just part of one day. How will I handle being away from him for 8 or 9 hours a day, 5 days a week? I know that if we ever win the lottery or come into a lot of money in another completely legal way, I'd give my 2 week notice that very day without hesitation.

Last year at this time I thought that I would be a gun-ho working mom when that time came in my life and the last thing I wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom. Well, now that time is here and I find myself wanting to be a gun-ho-stay-at-home mom and the last thing I want to be is a working mom. Just the thought of missing some major milestone in his young life frightens me. What if I miss his first step or his first word? Motherhood has changed my perspective on things much more than I ever thought it would. But in a good way. The fact that my time with Erik each day may become quite limited very soon is not something I'm comfortable with. Unfortunately the vast majority of families need to have both parents to work in order to make ends meet and we're part of that majority. But who knows? Maybe we'll win Publisher's Clearing House or Powerball one of these days.