Down With The Sickness

For several weeks I've been feeling rather shitty. I've been unable to sleep properly and just feeling all around icky. Well, turns out I have a severe bladder infection. You know, I've had bladder infections before and they've always announced themselves with a wonderful burning sensation. However, this time that was not so and the doctor said "You would be amazed what bladder infections can do to a person." Now I'm on a medication that also combats anthrax as well as a pain medication. I have no clue how long I've had this infection, but considering I've been feeling shitty for months, it may have been that long. Why didn't I go to the doctor sooner? Because I thought I was feeling like this because I wasn't sleeping well, and it turns out that it might be the other way around. And what's nice about this whole thing is that the pain reliever is helping me get back onto a more normal sleep schedule. It also makes me loopy, so if somethings don't make sense in this post, I apologize.

HOWEVER, you may notice that I'm writing this post at 3:30am. Why am I awake at 3:30am if I'm supposedly sleeping better? Well, I had a dream that made me freak out a bit. I had a dream about my meds making my Depo shot less effective and getting pregnant again. To quote Tricia: "Eep!" So I got up and checked out WebMD to see if it said anything. According to that website there shouldn't be such an effect, however I'm still calling a nurse later on today to make sure. I love little Erik dearly and I would like more children in the future, and by "future" I mean years from now and after we're married, but I do not want to have Irish Twins, at least not now. Having our wedding plans interrupted once is enough and I have to work my ass off (literally) to get back into shape to fit into my dress. I'm hoping to be able to do so by Christmas. I finally broke down and bought a larger pair of jeans for this in-between-maternity-pants-and-pre-pregnancy-pants period. I'm sick of wearing pants that go up to my rib cage.

Now, it's back to bed for me.

Proverbial Pachyderms

There has been a small issue concerning my family that has been kind of bothering me for sometime. All right, all right, I know that could be several things. This particular issue involves one of my uncles. It isn't anything bad by any means, it's just something I would like to have confirmed so that whenever my mom's side of the family is together, I won't have to deal with the damn elephant in the room. Everyone else may be blissfully unaware of this pachyderm, however I doubt it. I think it just sits there in the corner, ignored, just waiting for someone to pay attention to it. You see, about 6 or 7 years ago I started to piece together that one of my uncles was not exactly like the others. Let me explain what I mean by making a list of things I've noticed:

1. My uncle has lived with a male friend longer than I have been alive. During this time, as far as I can recall, neither of them has ever had a serious relationship with a woman.

2. They argue with each other as if they are a married couple. I've never seen people who are simply good friends or roommates argue over things like what color to paint the dining room, among other things.

3. My uncle's friend is always present at family events. I cannot recall a time when he hasn't been, except for another uncle's wedding due to a resent surgery. In fact, all of my life I have always thought of him as another uncle.

4. When they have visitors, and if they're house is full, the friend will give up his room and share a bed with my uncle without any sort of hesitation or nervous explanation. You know, the whole confirming my sexual preferences thing that some men have.


Those are just some of the things that I've noticed. I think we all know where this is pointing. Now, I've been trying to thing of whom to talk to or gently prod clues out of about this. I just want to make sure that Pete, Chad and I aren't the only people who noticed this. The thing is, I think everyone knows, it's just that they feel like they need to protect my brother and myself from the truth. My mom's family is very Catholic and to have a known gay person in the family would be, well, not a good thing in their eyes...especially my grandparents. I've heard my relatives say a lot of negative things about people of different races over the years, but never have I heard any sort of gay bashing, which was another thing that kind of made me wonder.

I think that I do have the perfect candidate for this little inquiry. Someone who had been exposed to the family for several years and more than likely knows a thing or two and wouldn't really hesitate to tell me: my dad.

In no way would I make a big deal out of this. I just want someone to confirm it for me so that the poor elephant can leave and go sit in someone else's living room. Geez, am I even making any sense anymore? It's 4:22am and I REALLY need my sleep.

"A Fair Is a Fair! It's a Smorgasbord, Smorgasbord!"

I know where that little line is from, do you? Anyway, today was the day that Chad got to endure the dunk tank at the Benton County Fair. He was dunked plenty of times and even Erik got in on the action with a bit of help from Katie and Tricia. Chad's friend Garth ate all the fair food his stomach could handle. And my legs are sore from the walking and standing. I'm simply not used to it BUT I have to get used to it whether I want to or not. Especially if I ever want to fit in my wedding dress for whenever the wedding takes place.

And no, we do not have a date set. Hell, we don't even know what time of year we'd be getting married. However, if we happen to win the lottery or something, we'd get the wedding we want, where we want it and when we want it. It would have been nice to get married this summer since it has proved to be especially mild, but things were done a little out of order. Oh well. I would change a thing about it. Well, except for the whole no job thing. Who knows? That may be remedied by next week.

Sleepless In Saint Cloud

This sucks. It's 3:38am and I am nowhere near tired. I even frickin' cleaned for an hour and a half and started packing some small things that we can do without for the next few weeks before we move. Ugh...that'll be fun. I'm calling my doctor tomorrow...er...later today about this sleeping problem because this is getting ridiculous. If I go to bed right now and fall asleep right away I'll get about 5 hours of sleep tonight, maybe 6 if Erik feels like sleeping in. Great. I'll probably feel fan-skippin'-tastic for my interview in 12 hours. Well, I'm going to do some push-ups or sit-ups or something to try and tire myself out. It's almost time for Erik's early morning feeding and I haven't even been to bed yet. Dear lord.

Interview With the Accounting Firm

Tomorrow I have an interview with a local accounting firm. The odd thing is, I find myself in a bit of a quandary. You'd think I'd be excited to have a good job prospect this soon, especially since it took me 3 months to find a job the last time I was unemployed. While I know I need the job because unemployment doesn't cover all of my expenses (not even close...stupid student loans) and it sounds like a nice place to work, I really don't want to go to this interview. The thing is, and this may sound weird, I'm afraid they'll offer me a job. Now, I know exactly why I feel this way: I like being a stay-at-home mom. I love it. Yes, it can be stressful if Erik is in a bad mood and, yes, it can be boring at times, but the reward of the job is so great that it makes it all worth while. I don't want to leave Erik in the hands of a daycare provider. Hell, I have a hard enough time leaving him in the hands of my own mother for a few hours let alone some stranger. I think the longest I've ever been away from him is 5 or 6 hours and that was just part of one day. How will I handle being away from him for 8 or 9 hours a day, 5 days a week? I know that if we ever win the lottery or come into a lot of money in another completely legal way, I'd give my 2 week notice that very day without hesitation.

Last year at this time I thought that I would be a gun-ho working mom when that time came in my life and the last thing I wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom. Well, now that time is here and I find myself wanting to be a gun-ho-stay-at-home mom and the last thing I want to be is a working mom. Just the thought of missing some major milestone in his young life frightens me. What if I miss his first step or his first word? Motherhood has changed my perspective on things much more than I ever thought it would. But in a good way. The fact that my time with Erik each day may become quite limited very soon is not something I'm comfortable with. Unfortunately the vast majority of families need to have both parents to work in order to make ends meet and we're part of that majority. But who knows? Maybe we'll win Publisher's Clearing House or Powerball one of these days.

High On A Hill Was A Lonely Goatherd.... Ain't That Loverly?

I've been spending way too much time listening to The Sound of Music and My Fair Lady soundtracks. I guess I must be on some sort of Julie Andrews kick or something. But what can I say, it's feel-good music and god knows I need some feel-good music right now.

So.... (yes, I've been listening to that too.) My unemployment FINALLY went through and I FINALLY got my first check. I'm still applying for jobs as they pop up (which in St. Cloud, isn't often) and so far nothing. Not even an interview. I'm beginning to think my resume must be covered in cooties or something equally horrifying.

And a reminder.... Saturday, Saturday, Saturday! For one day only, for one hour only, Chad will be in the dunk tank at the Benton County Fair. Come one, come all and partake in the festivities. Chad tells me it's part of a fundraiser for the United Way.

I know it won't be the MN State Fair, but then from what I hear, what is? If you would like to join us on Saturday, drop me an email and I can give you some details, directions and whatnot.